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Spiritual Marriage Counseling: It’s About Expectations

Many couples are in marriage counseling today because they each have a lot of complaints about each other; they are annoying each other, they are always arguing etc.  There is no harmony.

This did not start today or yesterday, this is since the snake got between Adam and Eve; since then there is difficulties between husband and wife.

Adam complained to God that he did not have a mate.  God brought all the animals in front of him in pairs and asked Adam to name them.

Adam could see the godly spark that created each animal and he named them, both male and female, as in Hebrew in most cases there is a different word for the male and female of each species.

Adam got upset when he realized that they each had an equal mate and he did not.  He asked God to make him a mate also, and God agreed to make him “a helpmate opposite him”.

What does it mean “opposite him”?

Healthy Relationships Between Opposites

In Kabbalah we learn that your spouse is like your mirror, opposite you, reflecting you.  Meaning reflecting all the things that you need to work on.

If you both come into the marriage understanding this and have an open mind, understanding that your mate is there to help you and ready to learn from your spouse and eager to work on yourself you will have a huge head start to a healthy marriage.

If you both come into it with an ego, as many of us do, looking for what the other is giving you and any problems are her fault and her problem, you are headed in a bad direction.

Spiritual Marriage Counseling

When couples come for marriage counseling the counselor first talks to one privately and then to the other privately.

What do the spouses always say?  Each spends their time pointing out all the annoying and problematic thing that the other one is doing.

None of them ever says, “I know I have a bit of a temper and it is difficult for my wife to emotionally.” or “I know I am not as clean and orderly as I should be and its annoys my husband.”

First we tell each of them that they are the problem, not their spouse.

If you are complaining about your spouse all day long then you are the problem.

You are ruining the connection and the communication between the couple.

The ultimate unity is through married life but it is a marriage of two complete opposites; when everything fits too well its not good, there is nowhere to advance to.

It needs to fit in a way that I have something you don’t have and you have something I don’t have and together we complete each other and we make something whole and better than each of us alone.

Marriage Problems? First Understand Your Expectations

Many of the problems in marriages today are caused because most of us have no idea what a healthy marriage is supposed to look like in the real world.

We are taught only a fantasy, that’s its all love and kisses and walks on the beach and long talks over dinners.

We think there is a major problem when its laundry all over the floor, and you can’t stand the way he eats; and he hates that she is always talking to her girlfriends etc..

But this is what living with another person is really like, they are going to annoy you and you are going to annoy them.  And its OK.

In marriage you need to create space for the other person, with the things that bother you.

If you cannot create a space for that person that you were so in love with then the problem is you, not them.

You come with baggage and problems and they come with baggage and problems too.

Marriage is work, and your spouse is your trainer, showing you your faults.

We cannot come into a relationship thinking that we are going to show them how it is.

You need to go into a relationship like its therapy; get ready to learn about yourself and thank your partner for helping you.

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