“I do not know where to begin. I am flawed and lacking in so many ways that i wish for a new life and birth. It is as if most of my life has been a waste of time.
About 5 years ago, i lost my job as part of a retrenchment. It would be the second time in my life i was being retrenched. Not because of my ability or behaviour but a result of market changes and recession. Ever since it has been downhill. Nothing i did worked. I lost interest in many things. I seek distractions from useless pleasures.
I have been jobless since 2015 october and only found a very very much more lower job last year. ( 23% of what i used to earn). I am not sure if this is meant to be a punishment or trial or lesson from above but its meaningless to me. I am only working to survive. There is nothing i find meaningful or fulfilling in what i do.
Praying does not help me until now. I am pretty much shut off and isolated. Not only G*d ignores me but i am sure even the devils and demons avoid me.
At 46 years of age, I am the opposite of where i want to be. For as long as i can remember and this is still true now – i want to help people in need. Does not matter if they be children or old people or people suffering from terminal illnesses anywhere in the world. Help in terms of time, money and service. The irony and joke is that i cant even help myself. Either i am blind or i have simply lost all will and ability to see any opportunities much less open new doors.
I am stuck in a rut and a life i no longer find meaningful.
There are times i thought about suicide and i try to think about what is stopping me. The truth is that nothing in me personally is stopping me. The only thing stopping me is that i want to spare what family i have left, the sadness and grief of such an act.
There is nothing anyone can do or help me except to say i must have faith, hard work and presevererence. All this right now doesnt mean anything more to me than nice words in a greeting card.
Maybe you can help me in some way or maybe you cannot. In any case i thank you for your time and patience in reading my mail.”
Hello___, giving up is not an option. Please send us ____________ in the secure contact us form for a private answer and we would be happy to help.